


You lived.

by gayvoid



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Michael is a sad boi, Original Character - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, im sad so this is just my feelings projected onto michael lol, its currently 4am, send help, squips ruin lives, this is set after michael escaped jake's burning house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 11:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15750897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayvoid/pseuds/gayvoid
Summary: "Hey," a shaky voice calls from behind "Uh- you don't have to do this dude."Michael scoffs a little. Of course he does, he's just a loser.





	You lived.

**Author's Note:**

> Whaddup I'm Jarred, I'm 19 and I never learnt how to fucking write
> 
> My first fic ever so be friendly : )
> 
> If you're triggered by suicide or self harm plz click away my dudes 
> 
> Sorry for any typos or grammar issues, I'm tired as fuck and can't write for shit : )

"Hey," a shaky voice calls from behind "Uh- you don't have to do this dude."  
Michael scoffs a little. Of course he does, he's just a loser who-  
His thoughts stop as a familiar voice echoes through his head _get out of my way, loser._  
Michael's feet edge forward so that his toes are over the ledge as his grip tightens on the icy railings. A few muffles footsteps can be heard, causing Michael to flinch.  
"P-please just take a step back and come down." Their voice seems desperate yet oddly calming.  
However Michael doesn't move, he's made his decision. Instead, he looks out to the aggressive void below him, thinking about how easily he would be washed away. How easily everything would just be over. How easily the sour taste of lonliness would finally leave. How easily the snake that's suffocating his heart like its prey would just be gone. The boy gets so lost in his thoughts among the buzz of cheap beer (god he regrets the beer) that he doesn't notice the stranger taking a few steps closer.

"I know whats its like to want shit to end I-"  
"The fuck do you know!" Michael spits out, sounding more pathetic and broken than anticipated.  
The stranger seems taken back. Silence falls upon them both and if Michael was looking at the stranger he'd see cogs turning in their head. Michael swears that he can still hear the screaming of teens being swallowed by blaring flames in the distance, but swiftly shakes away the memory. _Why didn't he just stay in the bathroom to die?_  
A few moments of silence later the stranger speaks up again, their voice slightly strained.  
"I've been in your position. I have scars covering me, showing how fucking desperate i was to disappear, i-" They shakily exhale, letting out a small wisp of silver breath "I don't know what's lead to you standing on the edge of a fucking bridge but- I do know that its not worth it. None of this," they gesture to their arms and to Michael "is worth it, believe me."  
The water below crashes causing Michael's fingers to twitch. His expression, however, had softened at the strangers words. Guilt washes over him.  
"I-I'm sorry I didn't-"  
"It's fine," He was cut off "just please, let me help you, please."

Michael feels selfish, this poor person shouldn't have to be wasting their night (What even was the time? How long has he been out here for?) trying to keep a pathetic loser from ending his pitiful life. Michael feels angry, if they hadn't come over he would be dead by now. _If he hadn't left the bathroom he'd be dead by now._ Michael feels-  
"Who do you love?"  
It was his turn to be taken back.  
"W-what?" His head snaps to (finally) look at the stranger.  
Its a girl. She looks around his age. He stares into her glazed eyes, confused. She shuffles slightly at the attention and wraps her arms around her waist self-consciously (also because of the cold October wind). She takes a few steps forwards, her eyes glowing with determination (and a hint of desperation).  
"Whenever I'm at my lowest point, my mind always goes back to the same person. This person keeps me from losing all control. Its someone I trust and love and-"  
"My best friend." Michael blurts out, averting his eyes back to the water.  
"ah, right." she pauses, collecting her thoughts.  
Bitter air bites at Michaels cheeks, sending a shiver down his spine. His hands are numb now and lips are tinted blue. Dark circles hang under his bloodshot eyes. If anything, Michael might as well be dead.  
"Think about their eyes, what colour are they? Think about how they shine in the moonlight, how they crinkle when they laugh." The girl starts softly, shuffling closer to him.  
The last thing Michael wants to think about is his best friend's eyes. The last thing he wants to think about is his best friend- well, ex-best friend. He looked down to his feet. Just a small step and it will be over just a small step and-  
"Think about their laugh. Do they laugh at your stupid jokes? Think about their smile and how warm it makes you feel."  
Why can't he move? Its just a step. Whats holding him back?  
"What's their name?" She almost whispers.  
"Jeremey." Michael manages to choke out.  
Jeremy. Jeremy Heere. The boy who ditched him for a girl he hardly knows. _The boy he's madly in love with._ The boy who called him a loser. _The boy he can't live without._  
The boy who's holding him back.  
"Ah, Jeremy. What a nice name." She smiles softly.  
Michael hums faintly in response.  
"What would Jeremy think right now?" The stranger questions.  
He lets out a strangled laugh, "He's probably questioning why I haven't jumped already."  
The girl frowns, confused. "Isn't he your...best friend?"  
"Was." He corrected her.  
"Was?"  
"After 12 fucking years of friendship he abandoned me for some girl. So yeah, was,"  
Silence returns as Michael sniffs. _Since when did he start crying?_ His tears feel like ice against his burning skin.  
"What would you think if Jeremy was in your position now?"  
Once again Michael wasn't ready for that question.  
"I-er-I'd be fucking broken. I would jump off myself if it meant him staying alive."  
The girl's heart breaks, even though she hardly know this boy in front of her.  
"Well surely after 12 years of friendship he'd do the same, no matter what shit that's happened between you two." She offers sadly.  
Michael shrugs, letting his shoulders fall in defeat, "Honestly, I don't even know anymore. He's Jeremy 2.0, I don't mean shit to him."  
"Well think about Jeremy 1.0 then," She's leaning against the railings beside him now, still a comfortable distance away, "Think about how broken he'd be."  
Michael's breath hitches as he thinks back to the night Jeremy's mum left him. He thinks back to the night Jeremy was knocking at his door with tears streaming down his freckle-covered cheeks. Seeing him so vulnerable and afraid broke Michael's heart.

_"Why did she leave me Micah?" The small boy hiccupped into Michael's soft hoodie._  
_"I-I don't know Jere." He replied quietly, rubbing small circles on his back._  
_"Promise you won't leave me." Jeremy choked out, looking up to him with wide eyes._  
_"I promise. I would never dream of it."_

Michael's legs grow weak and the world starts spinning. His hands grasp onto the cold metal, making his knuckles turn white. He looks around helplessly with a blurry vision.  
"Oh god, what am i doing. Jesus fuck. I can't do this to him. I can't-" He mumbles.  
The girl moves to keep hold of Michael and despite their height difference, she keeps with stable.  
"Shh, its okay I've got you, its okay." She whispers gently.  
"I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna leave him, god I'm such an idiot." He gasps for air, _why can't he breathe?_  
"Its okay, take in deep breaths okay, breathe with me." She inhales and exhales slowly so Michael can match. His vision returns slowly through his lungs still burn.  
"Are you okay to walk?"  
Michael nods numbly. The girl takes it as a sign to help him shakily climb over the railing and into her arms. Michael mumbles sorry over and over into her shoulder as she rubs small circles on his back, like how he did with Jeremy.  
"Shh, everything's okay now. I'm so proud of you, Jeremy's so proud of you."  
They stay like this for a while.

Moments later Michael pulls away and wipes his face with the end of his sleeve.  
"I-thank you..." He trails off.  
"Tia."  
"Michael."  
The two smile softly at each other. The bond breaks as Michael falls down to sit on the curb. His speech is slightly muffled from burying his head in his hands.  
"What do I do now? I have no one, I'm still a fucking loser." He spits out the last word as if it were poison.  
"Hey, hey, hey you have me now dude." Tia sits down next to him and pokes his arm gently.  
He lifts his head, "Yeah, fuck, sorry you're right. I just-"  
"Miss your best friend. Its cool, I get it." She offers a lazy smile.  
"Yeah...you could say that." He smiled back sadly.  
Michael rubs his still-numb hands together and carelessly kicks a few stones around. The sky is glowing with a slight peach haze to it.  
"Gee, is it almost morning already?" Tia yawns.  
Michael cringes, guilty "Sorry, for wasting your night like that."  
She rolls her eyes fondly, "Oh yeah, saving a life is a real pain."  
Michael chuckles lightly then yawns too, "Who knew staying alive was so tiring?"  
Tia jumped up and held out a hand, "Come crash at my place, I live just down the road and my parents are out."  
Michael sleepily nods and accepts the hand, "Only because you said so."  
Tia grins, her expression then turns serious, "After you get some sleep, you're telling me everything and we're getting your beloved Jeremy back."  
Michael sighs a breath of relief. Maybe things will be okay after all.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Michael whispers, not expecting Tia to hear.    
"You lived."


End file.
